Majestic Mutterings
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Essental services
One of the strangest things I have been asked in the early hours of the morning, by somebody who I subsequently realised was completely fast asleep, was ‘Have you ever shagged a fire-fighter?’. I lay there for a while, eyes desperately trying to become accustomed to the darkness so that I could try and catch her eye (which was of course tightly clamped shut), wondering if this was accusatory or some kind of pre-curser to a spot of early morning hose-play (fnarrr). When I realised it was neither – oh phew and oh bugger my virtually simultaneous thoughts – I firstly tried to imagine what kind of bloody dreams were going on in her pretty head. I didn’t imagine they involved Fireman Sam but being as she didn’t remember a thing when quizzed later I suppose anything is possible! Then I tried to remember if I had, knowing several lesbians involved in the putting out of fires!. Indeed, had I had any ‘relations’ with anyone at all involved in our essential services, Wild Fruit uniform-wearers aside??? And are gays the best of the best in these services??? I think I nodded back off before panic about it all set in….
But anyway, what constitutes an essential service?? Do hair-dressers count as there are, ummmm, one or two gays in that worthy profession who have done wonders for my barnet if not in bouncing me around the boudoir! And do supermarket check-out girls count? Many moons ago there was a lovely lady on the tills at a certain up-market Brighton store who used to provide an essential service for poor dykes like me. The first time it happened I thought I must be on Candid Camera and half expected to be chased down Western Road by burly securities. It wasn’t that she was doing a spot of fumbling with my loose change, rather I wasn’t getting any change at all. An entire, full to the brim trolley, all for FREE because I had short hair and a ‘clit licker’ badge. She was definitely a gays are best, and though I would never allow such dishonesty in my life these days being all sensible and old now, she helped me cook up a storm back then. And good food was the way to the girls heart ha ha!!!
But I’m sounding flippant. And there are two gentlemen who (I hope still) work driving ambulances who will always have a special place in my heart to redress this naughtiness. Some years ago my missus was so ill I had to call 999. Almost immediately Freddie Mercury and Freddie Mercury turned up with their blazing sirens – turned on because I asked them to!!! – and whisked us to the hospital. Their strength and kindness showed no limits AND they were camp enough to bring a smile to Widblood’s lips for the first time in days. Best best best. In all the essentials of life!
Lots of April Love
xxxHRH
# posted by Queen Josephine : 9:54 AM